Cue the meme:
The adverts down the side are insulting enough, what with the '97-year-old who looks 14' or some crap. I mean, really, does ANYONE click on those?
In the . . . six or seven years I've been on fb, I've bought ONE item using the side ads, which was something so specifically tailored to me it was perfect. Ferret jewellery, and it's gorgeous. But that 'one weird food that sheds 14 kilos of belly fat in two weeks' has to be tapeworm eggs, surely? I don't know, I'm not crazy enough to click on it.
But do you know what's more annoying than the ads down the side, or the more recent ads in between posts?
Granted, this is my fault for friending them in the first place. But my giddy aunt, THE PEOPLE!
The people who share 'motivational' quotes from Anonymous. (So profound, yet so anonymous. Because looking quotations up first to verify the author is such a time slurp, am I right?)
The people who share life-affirming mantras from some Hopi Indian medicine man. The people who 'love their daughter with all their heart' and have to share it with everyone, especially if the font has little hearts where the dotted i's should be.
OK, OK, I shouldn't be such a curmudgeon. It's harmless fluff, right? They're just being hideously nice and there's nothing wrong with being nice, right? Except for the fact it sends my blood pressure soaring, they're making the world a better place by sharing heartfelt emotions.
And pictures of cats.
And chances to win an iPad (as long as you like the scammer's fb page and then share it and then make sure all your friends share it.)
And warnings about immolating laptops that could kill you in your sleep
And terrifying stories of women attacked by gangs of men in supermarket car parks that may or not be near you but you must send the important message on for every woman to protect herself just in case.
And the warnings about vaccinations leading to autism (even tho the bloke who kicked all that off in 1998 has been struck off the medical register in the UK for MAKING THINGS UP!)
And steering clear of sunscreens because who knows what those nanoparticles are doing?
Don't even get me started on the spelling.
I have to walk away, because it's doing my head in. Never in the history of human endeavour have we had so much accurate information at our fingertips, via the internet. But what do we do instead? We warn people against common sense and proven health benefits and spread scams, because clicking 'share' and saying 'I wonder if this is real?' or 'Can't hurt, can it?' is preferable to looking things up on snopes.com or hoaxbusters.org.
The stupid. It burns.