Monday, 1 April 2013

I have got to walk away from Facebook

Cue the meme:

Aside from a great excuse to run a pic of Sean Bean, the meme is true. How do you leave Facebook? It's driving me insane, and every day I see things that make me want to scream. It's no good for my mental health and it's making me dumber.

The adverts down the side are insulting enough, what with the '97-year-old who looks 14' or some crap. I mean, really, does ANYONE click on those?

In the . . . six or seven years I've been on fb, I've bought ONE item using the side ads, which was something so specifically tailored to me it was perfect. Ferret jewellery, and it's gorgeous. But that 'one weird food that sheds 14 kilos of belly fat in two weeks' has to be tapeworm eggs, surely? I don't know, I'm not crazy enough to click on it.

But do you know what's more annoying than the ads down the side, or the more recent ads in between posts?

The people.

Granted, this is my fault for friending them in the first place. But my giddy aunt, THE PEOPLE!

The people who share 'motivational' quotes from Anonymous. (So profound, yet so anonymous. Because looking quotations up first to verify the author is such a time slurp, am I right?)

The people who share life-affirming mantras from some Hopi Indian medicine man. The people who 'love their daughter with all their heart' and have to share it with everyone, especially if the font has little hearts where the dotted i's should be.

OK, OK, I shouldn't be such a curmudgeon. It's harmless fluff, right? They're just being hideously nice and there's nothing wrong with being nice, right? Except for the fact it sends my blood pressure soaring, they're making the world a better place by sharing heartfelt emotions.

And pictures of cats.

And chances to win an iPad (as long as you like the scammer's fb page and then share it and then make sure all your friends share it.)

And warnings about immolating laptops that could kill you in your sleep

And terrifying stories of women attacked by gangs of men in supermarket car parks that may or not be near you but you must send the important message on for every woman to protect herself just in case.

And the warnings about vaccinations leading to autism (even tho the bloke who kicked all that off in 1998 has been struck off the medical register in the UK for MAKING THINGS UP!)

And steering clear of sunscreens because who knows what those nanoparticles are doing?

Don't even get me started on the spelling.

I have to walk away, because it's doing my head in. Never in the history of human endeavour have we had so much accurate information at our fingertips, via the internet. But what do we do instead? We warn people against common sense and proven health benefits and spread scams, because clicking 'share' and saying 'I wonder if this is real?' or 'Can't hurt, can it?' is preferable to looking things up on snopes.com or hoaxbusters.org.

The stupid. It burns.

6 comments:

ec said...

If I didn't use my FB account to log in to several things I want to keep, I'd probably leave as well. I pretty much agree with all your gripes, my friend.

I'm so sick of hearing about people's kid having their first stuffy nose. lol.

Ebony McKenna. said...

Haha, thanks ec. I've come to realise everyone else won't change, so I'll have to instead. And it really is best if I leave it alone than if I end up getting into fights on there. I think!

Imelda Evans said...

Back away from the Facebook, Ebony! Cease the eye contact, lest you immolate on the bedcovers!

I have given up engaging with the stupid. I used to direct people to snopes or other such sites, but persistent stupidity is hard to combat. Now I just ignore. You can do it too! Be strong!

But I'm afraid you can't ignore the cats. The internet is held together by pictures of cats. This is a truth universally acknowledged and the only way to avoid is to go on an interwebs fast. Which might be a good idea... ;)

Ebony McKenna. said...

Imelda, I feel the love. Thank you.

Emmie said...

Lists. Lists are absolutely the only way to manage the behemoth that is FB. That way you can put your favourites into a list (you know, the ones that don't post pictures of cats or share those "bet you can't name a city starting with K" updates) and you will remember why you liked it in the first place. Occasionally I trawl my Newsfeed. But mostly I stick to my lists. Of sane people. (Well, sane-ish, anyway...)

Ebony McKenna. said...

Emmie, that sounds . . . like it could work.