Thursday 18 April 2013

I missed a turning point!

I've been reading over the first two Ondine novels and noticed in Ondine: The Autumn Palace, that I'd skipped over a pretty huge turning point - where Ondine takes the easy way out and decides to cheat on her tests - with Hamish's help.

Hamish wants to help her any way he can, so he's not doing it to be horrible or anything.
Ondine wants to stay with Hamish, so she's only resorting to cheating in order to maintain her grades and not be kicked out of school, and therefore the palace.

And yet in the paperback version, I completely fluffed it! I can't believe I skated over such a big turning point with exposition, told in past tense.

Here's how it was: (I've emphasised the problem in bold)

There just weren’t enough hours in the day to study properly, so although she did her best, it wasn’t good enough.

Which meant she caved in and accepted Shambles’s stolen notes containing answers to her exams.

On this particular morning, classes had finished, but Ms Kyryl asked Ondine to go into her office. Ondine wasn’t thinking particularly psychic thoughts, but she knew it couldn’t be a good thing to have to stay behind. When she yawned, it only made things worse.

“Ondine, please sit.”



And here's how it will be in the USA ebook version. It shows Ondine making the choice between sucky and suckier (As Debra Dixon would say). The important thing is, it's happening on the page.


There just weren’t enough hours in the day to study properly, so although she did her best, it wasn’t good enough.

On one cold and dark night, after everyone had gone to bed, Ondine woke to find herself asleep on her desk, a trickle of dribble blurring her notes.

“Psst, lass, there’s another test in the morning.”

Groggy, she rubbed her eyes to find Shambles under her desk. She was so tired, she didn’t even have the energy to wish he was his wonderful self instead of the little animal. “There’s a test every morning.”

“I have the answers for ye, just in case ye need them, like.”

No energy to fight, Ondine took the folded sheet from Shambles and staggered into bed, fully clothed.

The next morning, as classes finished and they broke for lunch, Ms Kyryl asked Ondine to go into her office. Ondine wasn’t thinking particularly psychic thoughts, but she knew it couldn’t be a good thing to have to stay behind. When she yawned, it only made things worse.

“Ondine, please sit.”


Which goes to show that I'm my own worst student. I hate it when important moments happen off the page - and I've gone and done it myself. I'm a hypocrite. Then again, I'm only human.

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